


The Pear Tree.

by The_Magic_Rat



Category: Good Omens - Neil Gaiman & Terry Pratchett
Genre: M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-06-27
Updated: 2020-06-27
Packaged: 2021-03-04 07:47:13
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,570
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/24940042
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/The_Magic_Rat/pseuds/The_Magic_Rat
Summary: Crowley meets another supernatural species, and learns that no good deed goes unpunished.
Relationships: Aziraphale/Crowley (Good Omens)
Comments: 35
Kudos: 100





	The Pear Tree.

**Author's Note:**

  * For [scrapheapchallenge](https://archiveofourown.org/users/scrapheapchallenge/gifts).



> Just playing a little with the concept of Crowley having an existence apart from his angel. :) For Scrapheapchallenge, in thanks for memes that feed my soul and lift my spirits. :)

_****_

Good Omens - The Pear Tree.

Author: The Magic Rat  
Rating: G  
Pairings: Crowley/Aziraphale  
Warnings: Fairies.  
Word Count: 1568

Website – Ex Libris: http://www.winter-wood.net/ex-libris/index.html  
Live Journal: http://delaese.livejournal.com/profile

Disclaimer: All Good Omens characters, places and situations are the property of Neil Gaiman and Terry Pratchett, and are used without permission and without intent of plagiarism or profit. Copyright for all stories and original characters is with the author, and may not be published, copied, distributed or archived without the author's prior written consent.

Summary: Crowley meets another supernatural species, and learns that no good deed goes unpunished.

Author’s notes: Just playing a little with the concept of Crowley having an existence apart from his angel. :) For Scrapheapchallenge, in thanks for memes that feed my soul and lift my spirits. :)

~*~*~*~*~*~

Sometimes it was nice just to be a snake. There was a very small garden behind Aziraphale's shop, just big enough for a tree and some scented flowers and shrubs, along with a tiny fountain just large enough to give the birds and strays some water. The tree in the garden was a pear tree, and it had been behind the shop for as long as the shop itself existed. For decades, Crowley had lounged in the tree, often assumed to be Mr. Fell's pet. For decades as well, small children had come to say hello to the enormous black and red serpent. One little child in particular, no more than two, had first met Crowley as a tiny boy in short pants, his proper Victorian nanny unaware that her look would be utilised by a demon in the future. Crowley had hung in that tree for many, many years, watching the boy grow up, become a man, and a father, then grandfather, bringing his descendants 'round to meet the "serpent in the garden". The last time Crowley saw that little boy, he was an old man of 97 in a wheelchair, pushed by a nanny of a different sort. He left the chair to toddle slowly to the tree, and take the enormous serpent head between his withered hands, and kiss the reptilian snout. 

"Goodbye, old soul," he whispered to the snake. 

Crowley watched the man toddle back to the chair and allow himself to be pushed away. That night Crowley went out and got very drunk.

But not all the things that had happened while he hung in the tree were sad. He had watched Aziraphale pick the pears to make jam, preserves, wine, or just slice them to serve with fine cheeses. He'd watched young girls come to plot and giggle, and boys as well. He'd graciously accepted a few gifts of a foodish nature, and rejected a few others that just were not fit for serpents or demons. Once a professor with her group of student herpetologists showed up to get an answer as to what exactly type of snake Crowley was once and for all. Aziraphale had come into the garden to gather pears, and smiled at the group as they tried to attach an earthly species to a demonic snake. In frustration, the professor showed a photo in a book of a black and red snake to Crowley, who flicked his tongue at it.

"Is that you?" she asked the snake.

"He can't see that, you know," said a student.

"No of course not," said Aziraphale, reaching into his pocket to pull out a small item. "He needs his reading glasses."

Aziraphale fitted a pair of serpent-sized dark glasses onto Crowley's nose, then resumed gathering pears. Well that did it, the angel had cemented his reputation as an adorable odd-ball. The professor and her students stared at the snake. Crowley stared back, his long tongue slowly flicking up and down. Eventually the group left, and Crowley yawned, content in his pear tree, his tiny sun glasses on his nose.

It was an early fall day and Crowley as usual was in the tree, absorbing the warmth of the sun, when he became aware of something repeatedly bopping him on the nose. Slowly waking up, he stared at something that looked like a butterfly, but sounded like a pissed off human.

"OY! This is my tree now, serpent! Piss off! Go on, git! I live here now! No snakes allowed!"

Crowley ate it. Whatever it was, he was not leaving his tree. Then a second butterfly showed up.

"YOU ATE HERMAN!"

"Herman should know better than to kick demons in the snout while they're sleeping. What exactly are you?"

"I'm a fairy! I can't believe you ate Herman!"

"I can't either, he tasted like shite."

"That's a horrible thing to say!"

Crowley raised his head to peer at the butter-fairy. "I'm a demon, horrible is part of my job description."

"But it was so mean!"

Crowley slowly enunciated; "I am a deeeeemooonnn...."

The butter-fairy bobbed and fluttered. "Why are you in a pear tree?"

"It's the partridge's week off. I'm filling in."

"Can I live in your tree?"

"What happened to the tree you already had?"

"Died. It fell over in the last wind storm."

"You can stay if you never, ever, kick me. Or any of your fairy friends. Kicking the serpent gets you an eating."

"Fair enough. Which branch is mine?"

Crowley began slowly slithering up the tree. "There's a good one up here, it has a natural hole in it you can move into."

"Up here?"

"No, the big one next to it."

The fairy bobbled and fluttered, Crowley slowly creeping after it. Finally they located the hollow in the branch. The fairy darted inside.

"Oh this is perfect, it's huge in here! Room enough for the whole clan! We can do all sorts of things with this space! We can even have company in!"

"Just don't kick the serpent."

"Promise. I'm Felicity."

"I'm Crowley."

"Very pleased to meet you, even if you did eat Herman."

Crowley slithered back down to his branch. The fairy went off to presumably gather any belongings and relatives coming to the tree. The sun shone down through the leaves, and all was well, for the moment at least.

~*~*~*~*~*~

Crowley entered the shop, yawning, ready for an evening of wine and cake with his angel. He knew as soon as he saw his friend, standing in his shop with a huge smile on his face, that his evening was about to be ruined.

"Wot?" he asked warily.

Aziraphale directed Crowley to his somewhat elderly computer, and clicked the mouse to start a YouTube video. Crowley watched a video of himself as a gigantic snake follow a fairy as a butterfly up a tree, hearing someone giggle about how adorable it was that a snake would follow a butterfly. 

It's gone viral!" Aziraphale told him brightly.

"Please tell me you didn't post that."

"Oh no, I would have no idea how to. It was Beryl who owns the shop across the street."

Crowley stared at the image of himself as the butter-fairy delicately landed on his nose for a brief moment, and Beryl melted audibly.

"Well there's my reputation down the tubes," said Crowley. 

"Oh that snake could be anybody," said Aziraphale. "I'm sure it's..."

They both stopped talking as Crowley's phone began to ring. He drew it out and answered it.

"Yes?"

There was no reply, just the sound of Hastur and Ligur roaring with laughter, and another demon baby-talking him. Crowley sighed in aggravation.

"Yes very funny, ha ha, go back to Hell where you came from." He ended the call. He smiled faintly as Aziraphale gave him a brief kiss. 

"Forget about them. Let's have wine."

They had wine, they got drunk, they flirted. Eventually they passed out in a comfortable heap on the couch. When day came, Aziraphale went to tend to his shop, and Crowley wandered out back to slither up his tree and dream the day away. 

That evening he was treated to another YouTube video of himself, this time absolutely blanketed with chattering butter-fairies. The call was from Beelzebub, and the laughing went on for three minutes solid. He hung up and sighed loudly, flinging his head back.

"Reputation shot, thank you VERY much Felicity, you rancid little insect."

Aziraphale hugged him. "Oh, my poor dear boy..."

Crowley nuzzled him. "I'm very sensitive, you know. This has been very traumatising."

"Yes I'm sure. Is there anything I can do to make you feel better?"

"Well... maybe a few things..."

~*~*~*~*~*~

The third night, Crowley did not bother to answer the phone, nor did he bother to watch the YouTube video. The fairies had blessed him that day in gratitude for his kindness. As such, even with the use of miracles and a bath, it had taken Crowley and Aziraphale almost five hours to clean up the magical glitter. Even then, Crowley would likely sparkle for a month. There were now three rules for using the pear tree - no kicking the snake, no sitting on the snake, and under no circumstances would there be exploding celebratory fireworks that resulted in glitter-bombing the snake. 

"We just wanted to thank you," said Felicity anxiously.

Crowley watched Hastur and Ligur approach the garden where they knew Crowley would be, grinning maliciously.

"Well well," said Hastur. "If it isn't Princess Crowley of the Glitter-Sparkle Realm."

The enormous black snake smiled, and glanced at Felicity.

"I know a way..." he said.


End file.
